Foxes new nest

BUYER: Megan Fox
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $2,942,500
SIZE: 5,200 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms

Megan purchased this home in November of last year in the Los Feliz area of Los Angeles for, according to property records, $2,942,500. Anyhoo, property records for the mini-manse Miss Fox bought indicates the 1936 Mediterranean measures 4,052 square feet and includes 4 bedrooms and 5 poopers. Listing information for the recently re-worked residence, however, states the there are 5,200 square feet with 5 bedrooms and 4 poopers including a master suite with walk-in closet, private terrace and a spa-like bathroom with lots of Carrara marble, a free standing soaking tub and a terlit closet that, I am happy to report, has a window.

The house also includes a formal living room with fireplace and several French doors that open to a tiled terrace that runs along the back of the house, a formal dining room, family room, media/pool table room, and a newly done dee-luxe kitchen with wood floors, snow white flat-fronted cabinetry, a Hyundai-sized Viking range, Carrara marble counter tops, and a huge window above the sink with a view of downtown L.A. that is so lovely that it could probably even entice the Dr. Cooter–who avoids dishpan hands with a fervor akin to a middle aged first wife avoiding a much younger plastic boobied second wife–to do some after dinner dishes.

The walled and gated home, according to listing information, also has custom hardwood floors, dee-ziner poopers, restored vintage details, whole-house audio, panoramic views that stretch from downtown to the ocean, a pill-shaped swimming pool with several terraces and lawn areas surrounding it, and–natch–state-of-the-art security which means any of you moe-rons who have the dumb-ass idea to knock on Miss Fox's new door will be greeted with some serious and deserved unpleasantness.

It's unclear if Miss Fox's former fiancée and current man-friend Brian Austin Green, he of Beverly Hills 90210 fame, will be moving his underpants into her new digs but, given that he currently has his 1920s Tudor style house in the Hollywood Hills on the market at $2,395,000, there's a pretty good chance he'll soon need a place to park his Ford Mustang.